Life Recently

   

Hi! How's your life? I hope you're fine and good, as always. Anyway, "Hi" again for this is both my first greeting and post of the year here, on my blog. I know this's kind of a long delay, but who would expect this to happen? Even I wonder where have I been after finding out the fact that the last post is a year apart from this one, hehe.

Well, let's take a breath for a moment. This long delay is a bit disappointing but I am fully aware of what caused it. It's too personal but one thing I would admit, there's reason. It is a bitter pill to swallow which regrettably makes me lose sight of almost everything, including my right of ownership over this blog. That's why this space remains empty for a while; not to mention the urge to maintain emotion and restrain irrelevances.  However, once again, "Hi" my blog, I am back!

For some people, the first post won't be far from what so-called life recap or resolutions they would set. I might be one of them too; a regular person who enjoys doing what most people do or whatever you call it. Of course, I did!  I have done crafting my 2022 life recap and I want to keep it for me, at least for now. Otherwise, this post would be just the way it would be; from telling you how my life recently to things that are quite off-topic but it's kind of worth reading too. That's so me!     

How's your life recently, Na?  

Life is so far good; only if breathing, getting paid at work, and spending money on myself are all included. Those who know me less might think that I live the life that most of us want in our 20s with fewer burdens to carry around.  "What else do you need?" they asked. Such a question is a bit shady. For a second, I am deep in comparison mode and there is this complicated fear haunting me. More specifically, a fear of getting misunderstood. 

The other side of me refuses to say that I am all good. Life has been so tough and draining lately. There are these moments when I wake up in the morning with a sense of losing something. I am in a ten-minute freeze mode afterward; processing everything. The more I dive into every piece of clue, the more I become overwhelmed. There are also nights that I need to cry but end up pulling over my blanket and screaming under my pillow like no one even cares. It sounds like a way to say, "My feelings are hurt and it aches" but that's how my circumstances lately.

Just because I carry it well, doesn't mean it ain't heavy

Somehow, I feel those words. They speak louder than any other words I try to construct here. They quite represent unspoken explanations that I try to hold back for the sake of my sanity. It also sounds encouraging to me. It seems like there are people with the same feelings rooting for that space called mutual understanding as they listen to me. I know, we all carry things through this life, and for some, they are so heavy that they weigh us down. Yet, it will never be our capacity to determine the scales.

Like a roller coaster ride, life has been so hard but there's this stage when it gets too slow and becomes easy to take. Even though it is only a small amount among hundreds, I admit that I also have so much fun lately. I get new friends to have lunch with and share bills for a cup of coffee in the midday. My workload might be heavier but I am equipped with a supportive team along the way. 

Now when I am about to close this post, I re-read those paragraphs and here I find my favorite line in "The wind is blowing" sung by Lee Sora fit to encapsulate my life lately. 

산다는 건 신비한 축복 분명한 이유가 있어

– Living is a mysterious blessing for obvious reasons

Are you being so hard on yourself, Na? 

I don't know – If it is to say that I tend to force a range of consequences that I see as justified for something I perceive to be a mistake or that I deserve them, then yes.

In the end, whatever this life would be, either it gets blurred or vivid, I know, there always be a reason. Even the way I respond to it, there obviously lies a reason. 

Have a wonderful life! So does mine.

Warm regard,