A few weeks ago, I found an interesting post on Instagram. Although I know this app has a highly sophisticated system design, I am still amazed by how it works. How come? That interesting post really relates to me and in actual fact, my current circumstances. Like, how can this app know almost everything, even that one that is not disclosed? It really is! I feel like I am under surveillance somehow.
Back to the post, it is uploaded by @/itsdonneil, and it has already received more than 180.000 likes the second I write this (hats off!). One well-constructed sentence that steals my mind and further highlights from it; It's not me being off with you, I just deal with things better when I am alone. The more I read it, the more I am deep in a pensive thought. I find both an ally and justification for a certain trait in me. I also find myself heaving a sigh of relief that I'm not the only one who owns that.
Even though there are plenty of people in the same boat as me, I am unable to ignore the fact that sometimes I question too; whether that kind of trait is worthwhile to keep or not. I lose count of how many times I question actually. It always goes around until I get to the point where I just decide not to take sides and stand in between; it benefits me and costs me as well. In a more logical context, I discover that it is just my coping mechanism and I give all my consent for it.
Still, about giving consent, I am aware that this typical coping mechanism is normal and considered a positive approach. That's not an excuse, but a solid statement that I know what I do. I prefer to resolve my problems alone, quietly, and comfortably rather than asking people to jump in from the very first place. That's also the way I maintain myself. I am better off distancing myself from others, for the most part, when my mind and emotional state are in chaos. Trust me, my battery is low and my body chooses that way.
Oh, I am more and more like I find a companion when I slide down to the post's comments section!
"Where are these people?" is how I respond to those who send such supportive comments. Those quite represent what I keep in mind when people ask me, "Why do you choose that way?" I mean, some people just don't understand what they don't possess, right? Like, those who prefer to eat spicy food will never understand those who hate it, and vice versa.
Again, I am glad to click that comments button. From there, I could see that some people misinterpret our trait (let's call it that way!) as an act of cutting off connections. No, that's not what this all gets to be. This is more like a kind of way to deliver these two messages in one single act; Let me deal with this alone and I will be back soon. Neither do we mean to push people away nor to hurt them, we just want to distance ourselves for a while, for the sake of our sanity and theirs.
In my personal capture, this trait means more than just taking care of me but also taking care of my circle. I prefer to make distances to keep my circle lean and valuable. In other words, I don't want to burden them with my emotions and my problems. Not because I refuse to trust them or simply deny my vulnerability, but rather because I am at ease to handle things on my own first. It is a preventive way too for I could not ensure at what level I might lose control and end up venting my emotions to the wrong person.
The reality is that, with or without people's understanding, you have to go with a better way (in your version, ofc) of tackling everything. The post I mentioned earlier is one among many that explain people's ways of confronting problems and distress in their lives. People nowadays call it a coping mechanism or coping strategy. As it said as a "strategy", what works for someone else might not work for you. You might also find that certain strategies work best for specific issues or emotions. As long as it doesn't hurt you and others, coping strategies will always have room for improvement.
So here is a kind of my short words on how we're supposed to do as social creatures in facing different coping mechanisms.
"Be gentle to yourself and others!"
Warm regard,
0 comments:
Post a Comment